THE CURLY AWARDS

by on Mar.22, 2011, under Horror Show Hosts

THE FIRST ANNUAL CURLY AWARDS

Dr. Sarcofiguy is sad.  He’s a “BOX OF BON BONS BITTER,” that he has NEVER been nominated for a RONDO AWARD!

For those of you who don’t know what a Rondo is, it’s an award for Horror Excellence given to folks in the horror, or genre related community!  The bust is based on the most esteemed horror actor RONDO HATTON! 

With that said, I decided to have my own award for something that I know I could definitely be nominated for:  THE MOST BALD!  So, I have your winners (sniff, sniff!  Persevere!  KEEP A STIFF UPPER LIP, Sarcofiguy!) for the first Annual CURLY AWARDS, which, of course, is based upon CURLY from the Three Stooges!

For the BEST ACTOR in MOST BALD SITUATIONS:  BRUCE WILLIS!!!!!

When he went bald, he did it with dignity!  I ain’t talkin’ bald with that carefully cultivated median strip
fringe aroun’ ya head like Patrick Stewart, or Sean Connery!  I’m talkin’
FULL BLOWN BALD!!!!!

For the BEST MOVIE featuring a BALD CHARACTER:  POWDER!!!!

Sean Patrick Flannery did a fantastic job sportin’ his freshly shorn skull cap, y’all!

The Runner Up was:  HITMAN starring Timothy Oliphant!  I definitely digged his non-wiggedness!

HALL OF FAME:

The permanent inductees are YUL BRYNNER, TELLY SAVALAS, AND ISAAC HAYES! 
They epitomized everything that is SEXY in bein’ bald!  OH, YEAH!

HALL OF SHAME:

Ex-football Pro TERRY BRADSHAW, and. . . .

 . . .Pro-Wrestler HULK HOGAN!!!!
MULLETS and BALDNESS are an unholy mixture INDEED!!!!

THE MOST PROMISING RECEDING HAIRLINE GOES TO: 

IT’S A TIE between Christian Slater and Justin Timberlake!!!!!

And I give a special LIFE TIME ACHIEVEMENT CITATION TO:

Mr. Clean for his “gosh darn” wholesome image!
And if you’re a fella who ain’t got absolutely NO HAIR, NO HOW, like myself?!

THEN WE’RE ALL WINNERS!!!!!

ohHHHH, who am I kiddin’!?  
I gotta sing the blues about it, sigh. . .
and you can see it right HERE!!!!


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